Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
