Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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