You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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