I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
