what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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