Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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