I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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