guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
