do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
