i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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