I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize