Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
