The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
