this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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