I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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