I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
