My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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