Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You're like the curious george of whores
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
