If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
