Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
