I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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