what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
