guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
