When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
