Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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