Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
