he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
People in love make me want to vomit
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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