I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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