Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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