walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize