This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
