I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
