she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
