I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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