There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize