Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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