that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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