my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
