those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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