Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
