I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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