Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
