guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize