Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
