I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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