I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
