your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
