remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
