I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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