I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My cat gives me a boner
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
