I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize