Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
