Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize