i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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