Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
