I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
