Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
