somebody snuck up and got me drunk
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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