Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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