awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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