Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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