Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It's just like the Real World with babies
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
