Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
