Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
