I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
