I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
