cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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