Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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