I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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