Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
