so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
