let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
