ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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