we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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