"it" just moved
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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