is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
