And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
