I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he fucked my hip out of place.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
