I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
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