I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
