if i can run in heels then i can drive
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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