I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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