Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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