His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
