She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I got her a Nickelback box set.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
