i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
