Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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