i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize