Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
