oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
time to smoke my breakfast
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
