I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
When did angry sex become our thing?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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