Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
