i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize