I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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