I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize